Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i now understand why vodka
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
