so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize