I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize