fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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