not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
