When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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