positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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