what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
