I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
