why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
