If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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