and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize