lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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