There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
