Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
