I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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