I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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