tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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