I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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