she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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