it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
