Buhtt sex?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
zippers are such a cool invention
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
