Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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