She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize