Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
