after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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