They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have aggressive nipples.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
