I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
