Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize