I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
