i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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