moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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