You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
