I want to make a zoo with you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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