is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Alive.
So much puke
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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