we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize