YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
