sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
