I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
