If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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