what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
