I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
