recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
