I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
