I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you had me at cake vodka
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
