if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
