giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
