Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My feet surprised me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
