my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was born a porn star she said
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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