Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
