I will die if light touches me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
