THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
