OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
