3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
