I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
