smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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