soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
