Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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