just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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