I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize