After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
