guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
