Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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