The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
