She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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