Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
