im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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