this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
