As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
