ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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