Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
