The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
