You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
