How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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