I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
